My Story
by AmuletFortune98
Summary: My name's Ikuto, and I'm writing this because my sister Utau killed herself after her boyfriend died in the army. I never liked Kukai. Anyway, this is my story about my sister. Rated T for suicide etc. Contains KUTAU and AMUTO.
1. November 1st

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been silent for a while, but hopefully I can start updating my other stories more often! Anyways, this is a new story I just came up with suddenly. I hope you all enjoy!

**Chapter 1:**

On October 3rd of this year, my sister Utau committed suicide in our own house.

I don't know why she had to fall for that idiot Kukai, and personally I think it's all his fault. However, I know my assumption is wrong. Kukai was the one who saved her, but he was also the one who caused her death.

I wasn't home when it happened; I was with Amu. Course, I had no idea what was coming. I was just being my own self, doing what I usually do, which just happened to be teasing Amu and watching her blush. I had no idea what was going to happen that day.

Neither did Utau, actually.

Utau wasn't the first to hear the news that day, either. Kukai's parents were. I'm surprised the whole family didn't commit suicide, but I suppose that's because they had each other.

Utau had no one.

I blame myself for this. Mom and Dad didn't even know she was dating anyone. Utau, being the quiet one who keeps everything to herself, didn't tell them. She didn't even tell me until a while after the relationship started. However, I figured it out ahead of time anyway because I actually pay a lot of attention to her.

I know I've never really showed my concern for my sister, but I really do love her(in a brother-sister way, of course). She was clingy and annoying when she had a brother complex, but suddenly she stopped being all lovey-dovey around me. I was happy she stopped, but I knew something was up. Something must have caused her to stop. Soon after that, I found that it wasn't something, but _someone_.

I guess I'm a protective brother in some eyes, but I just think I'm playing my part as a sibling. I followed her on a weekend one day, and she had a disguise on so no one would notice the famous singer. She turned the corner and met up with some guy maybe a year or two younger than her (Utau being 20 and him probably 18). He had a boyish face and brown hair that was combed in various directions. He had long legs, and was wearing a soccer uniform on. His skin was stained with dirt, so I imagined that he just finished soccer practice or something. Once he saw Utau, he smiled and waved, and Utau ran up to him. They chatted for a moment, then turned and walked a few steps to the roman shop and entered. I couldn't follow them in, so I just waited outside around the corner. I waited for about 15 minutes until they walked out, and they were holding hands.

I remember feeling surprised that Utau opened up to a guy like that when she told me she only liked older guys. I was happy she found someone and would finally leave me alone, so I never told her that I found out about Kukai.

Utau, of course, told me after a while cause she hated sneaking around when I was near. I acted as if I never knew and I told her I was happy she found someone.

I used my free time away from Utau to do my own ignorant things, without bothering to ask Utau how she was or how her dates with Kukai were going. Instead, I teased Amu, skipped my college classes, and teased Amu some more.

A few months after I found out about Utau and Kukai dating, Utau started feeling very sad. Once I noticed her depressed behavior, I imagined that Kukai hurt her, so I confronted him. Utau had never introduced us, so he didn't know who I was at first.

I showed up at his high school while he was at soccer practice and when they were on break, I went up to him.

"Can I help you?" he said.

"I'm Utau's brother," I replied, trying to intimidate him, but instead of looking the least bit scared, he just nodded and shook my hand.

"I'm guessing she told you, then," he said with a sad look on his face. By this point, I thought they might have gotten into a fight and broken up, but I couldn't be more wrong.

"Actually, she hasn't, but I'd like to know why she's been sulking in our house for the last couple of days." I glared at him, and he just sat down on the bench.

"Well, that's probably because I just recently told her that I'm joining the army."

After he said that, I was speechless. I recall feeling like I wanted to punch him at that moment. How could he do something like that to my sister?

Kukai continued talking, "I'm horrible in all my subjects, and soccer is going to get me nowhere. I wanted to be a professional, but I'm not nearly as good as I have to be for that. I talked to my teachers about how I had no clue what I wanted to do for a living, and they said that they were concerned cause I'm a senior and I should have some sort of idea. The next day some people from the army came to our school and tried to recruit members. I know it sounds stupid, but I thought that their appearance might be a sign, so I decided to sign up."

I _really_ wanted to punch him, but I didn't. Instead, I said some harsh words and other things that I wanted to scare him with, but I can't remember what I said now.

Kukai left Japan after he graduated from highschool, and Utau was devastated. She thought that there would be no way to communicate with him overseas, but one day she received a letter.

After that day she received a letter, she became livelier. She was happier, and began singing again (because she stopped singing for a while due to her sadness). She was always asking if there was anything in the mail for her, and was so excited when there was.

I was glad that Utau began feeling happy again, so I stopped worrying. I went back to my regular routine and teased Amu, skipped my college classes, and teased Amu some more.

I got so distracted, I completely forgot about worrying about my sister.

Amu began looking excited to see me, which was a huge improvement in our relationship (wink wink). She used to get annoyed when I visited, but she started to look happy when I came around. I continued to tease her, and she continued to blush. She got me wrapped around her finger when we weren't even going out!

Of course, half of my mind's thoughts were filled with my pinkette, and the other half college and my family.

On Amu's 18th birthday, I kissed her for the first time. I was surprised when she kissed back and didn't push me away, and it only caused me to think about her even more. I asked her to be my girlfriend, but she was too embarrassed to say yes even though we were practically going out anyway.

I was so blinded by my feelings for Amu that I didn't paid attention to anything else. I was being an idiot.

On October 3rd, Amu and I were on a date (as I called it, but Amu refused to accept to call it that) and I turned my phone off so I wouldn't be distracted from my pinkette.

Driving home that night, I realized I had six missed calls and five voicemails. I didn't listen to them in the car, but when I got home I didn't need to.

I pulled into my driveway, surprised and nervous to find an ambulance outside our door. I rushed inside and as soon as I saw Mom and Dad crying, I couldn't help but cry too, even though I had no idea what was going on.

Once I saw Utau's limp body in the back of the ambulance with a ton of tubes around her and rope marks around her neck, I knew she was dead.

**~Chapter End~**

**Hello again, everyone! I had another story idea and didn't want it to go to waste. This story won't be as long as my others because it's hard to update while school is going on, but I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to review! :D Thank you, everyone!**

**~AmuletFortune98**


	2. November 11th

DON'T KILL ME!

It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hehe…

Well, sorry everyone for leaving you hanging for so long. I haven't died! I've just been updating other stories and doing school work...(booo!)

Anyways, here's another chapter of My Story!

**Chapter 2:**

I never knew I would become paranoid. It's not my job to know. Of course, when awful things happen around you it's only natural someone would become paranoid.

I never stop paying attention to Amu.

Don't worry, I'm not a creep. We aren't officially dating, but it wouldn't be weird that I'm paying attention to her. I just don't want anything to happen to her…

Course Amu thinks I'm a dick now. It's not like she said it directly, but she notices how I act around her. I've been very cold to her. I'm not proud of the way I've been treating her lately, but what else can I do? I'm not the kindest person in the world, you know. I have feelings too, believe it or not. My sister killed herself, and I'm supposed to comfort Amu?

No, no. Forget I said that. I'll always be there for Amu. Even though I've kind of been pushing her away, I still keep an eye on her or text her frequently to know her location. I don't blame Amu. She's not angry at me, I'm just assuming she is. I mean, she should be.

Why was I not there for Utau in her time of need?

Where was I?

With Amu. I regret not being there for Utau, but I'm in love with Amu. I love Amu. Alright, I've said it a couple times now, why not say it again? I love Amu. I love Amu, but I also love Utau. It's my fault she's dead. I should have been with her…

I remember a long time ago when Kukai and Utau started dating… I remember promising Utau that I would kill that boyfriend of hers if he ever did anything to hurt her… Of course, Utau just giggled and took it as a joke.

Is it a joke now, Utau?

Kukai hurt her and there is nothing I can do about it. I broke my promise. I didn't kill him. He was killed, but not by me.

Why wasn't he killed by me? Well that's simple. He didn't do anything. He hurt Utau, but only after he was dead. There's no way I could have killed him when he'd already been killed. Yet, there's one question I keep asking myself; why didn't I kill him when he joined the army? It hurt Utau when Kukai told her he was joining, so why didn't I kill him? I've broke my promise twice, now. I'm not very good at this…

I keep asking myself that question, but I already know the answer. It would only hurt Utau more for Kukai to get killed.

I know that much too well.

I don't forgive Kukai for what he did to my sister, and I don't forgive my sister for doing what she did to herself. Both of them were selfish and inflicted pain to their loved ones. That idiotic, egoistic, sadistic move… I've never thought of Utau to be so greedy as to take her own life.

I won't even describe what happened after I got home that October night. Anyone who is reading this doesn't have to know. No one has to know what I was feeling or what I was doing. It's very unimportant and unessential to their lives. I will only say that I didn't recover until November 1st when I first started writing this. If you're smart enough to do the math, that would be twenty-eight days of recovery not including October 3rd. And when I say recovered, I mean I was able to talk to people again. No, I'm definitely not recovered from the situation, but at least I can talk to people again. To be honest, Amu coaxed me out of my room. Not very surprising, right?

On November 1st, Amu discovered that leaving me alone to recover for a month wasn't what either of us wanted. I wanted to talk to people, but I couldn't. Amu wanted to talk to me, but she thought I didn't want to. She was giving me space which I appreciated, but definitely didn't want.

Anyway, that morning on the first day of November, Amu punctured the bubble around me and visited my house. My parents weren't there; they were visiting the gravestone. She let herself in with the key I gave her a long time ago. I remember when I first gave it to her. She blushed such a lovely shade of red when I told her, "Any hour of the day is fine," and refused to take it. I ended up leaving it on her bedside table without her noticing.

Well, Amu entered my house and noticed all the lights were out. She became afraid I wasn't there, but decided to check and make sure before she left. Sure enough, she found me. My room was locked, so she knew someone must have been inside.

"Ikuto," she had said with such a lovely, caring tone, "Please open the door…"

Anything other than that wouldn't have got me to open the door. Somehow, I felt the need to open the door after all those days.

Amu didn't think I would open the door either because when I did, she was already half-way down the stairs. As soon as she heard the creak of the hinges, she whipped her head around and stared at me. Something in her face made everything better. The situation wasn't as bad as soon as I saw her beautiful face…

"Ikuto…," she walked up to the top step and stared at me, a caring, apologetic look in her eyes.

I didn't want to give up my mourning, but I also wanted the comfort. I couldn't help myself. I took a step toward Amu, then another and another until I stood right in front of her. She stared up at me and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in tightly to me. She made a surprised noise and I just hugged her tighter.

Right after that, I became paranoid. I've already explained this. And that night, I started writing.

I already knew right from the beginning that Amu would be essential to my healing process. Her beautiful heart filled with concern is her most attractive feature. And trust me, if you already know how attractive my beautiful Amu~koi is, you wouldn't believe how kind at heart she is.

Although Amu helped me greatly, I haven't told her I'm writing this yet. It's not a secret or anything, but I just don't think Amu needs to read too much into this and start getting the wrong idea. I'm not over Utau's death, but she's helped me enough. Amu's not really the kind of person who hacks someone's computer password and reads their documents, so I really have nothing to worry about.

I love you, Amu, but you don't have to keep worrying about me.

**~Chapter End~**

**Yay! I updated! I hope you all liked this chapter. I know I did! It's got a bit more Amuto romance than the last one. I hope you liked it! Don't forget to review! Thanks!**

**~AmuletFortune98**


	3. November 13th

It's a late update again! Well I've been updating my other stories recently so I found it necessary to update this one too! I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D

I do not own Shugo Chara or any of the characters.

**Chapter 3:**

So Amu found my documents today. You know, these documents. The ones I've been writing...

It wasn't like she was being sneaky and hacked into my computer or something. Actually, it was my fault.

I invited her over earlier today and forgot to close my last chapter on my computer. I offered to make lunch for Amu and I and she gladly accepted, blushing cutely at the idea. I told her that what I was making was a surprise and that she should wait in my room until it was ready.

"It's a secret," I told her, attempting to smirk like I usually did. This, however, was a failed attempt. It had been difficult to act like my usual self since my sister died, and I was still recovering.

Amu rolled her eyes and smiled, "Whatever." She then turned and hurried up the stairs into my room.

I was oblivious to her reading what I had written for chapter 2 until I walked upstairs with two omelets for our lunch. Once I entered my room, I saw her sitting in front of my computer, her eyes clouded with worry. Exactly what I didn't want to happen; for her to get worried about me even more.

I placed the omelets down on my desk and walked over to her. Once she noticed me, she stood up and turned to face me, looking sad. "You're paranoid?" She asked with her sweet, concerned tone.

"You read that?"

She nodded, hesitated a moment, then wrapped her arms around me with a hug. "I have no idea why you'd think I thought you were a dick, because I don't."

"Is that so?" I grinned slightly and she nodded. "Well than what _do_ you think I am?"

Amu paused to think for a moment, "I think you're a boy who misses his sister and who tries to hard to please other people that you don't stop to consider your own feelings." She looked up at me with her beautiful, caring, honey-colored eyes, "A-And I want you to know that nothing will happen to me, so you shouldn't be paranoid. And also that I-I'll always be here for you..." She blushed and averted her honey orbs, pulling away from me. I couldn't help but smile, which I don't think I've done since Utau committed suicide, and wrapped my arms around Amu's waist. With barely any protest, I leaned in and kissed her sweetly and passionately, genuinely happy to find her kissing me back with almost equal emotions.

And Amu was completely right about me. I _am_ a boy who misses his sister. I_ am _a boy who tries to hard to please others that I don't stop to consider my own feelings. Maybe I should focus more on things that make me happy and make me feel better, but then I'll feel selfish. Plus, Amu is the only thing I can think of that fits both of those categories and I'm already completely focused on her.

All I know is that I'll never forget Utau, and I'll probably never recover from her suicide. But Amu... Amu is comforting me and that's all I want now. Her love is very important to me right now and it helps me try and forget about the pain, at least for a little while.

Whoever is reading this, I don't want you to think that I'm lost in self-pity. I'm trying, I really am, to recover, but how could that happen. I was very close to Utau and I loved her as a dear sister. Of course we bickered on a daily basis and teased each other to no end, but I loved her. Now that she's gone.. well, let's just say I'll never be whole again.

For those readers who need a little more detailed explanation, let's say there's an orange. An orange who someone just peeled and left without it's protective cover. Sure, it's still got the juicy, delicious inside, but it can easily be hurt because it has no peel. It'll get dirty, squished, and cut because it's lost all it's toughness and is no longer immune to the rough perspective of life.

That orange is me. I've lost my toughness and no longer feel able to protect myself from the harsh world. I feel like a wimp, craving comfort and not being able to defend myself anymore. But that orange will never get it's peel back, and neither will I. Well, I didn't really have a peel in the first place, but I'm talking metaphorically.

...I guess I'm not too good at making examples...

Who knows, maybe Amu will end up reading this chapter too. If she does, I suppose I don't really mind. She already read one chapter, so she can't possibly feel even more worried about me. She's a smart girl, and I love her. I wonder if she read that far into the chapter. You know, to the part where I said I love her about five times or so. If she did, she probably would have been very embarrassed when she saw me, so I'm assuming she didn't. I kinda feel relieved, because I don't really know if she loves me back. Sure, I know she probably likes me. Why else would she have kissed me back so passionately? But I'm not sure she loves me. If she had read that part, would things get awkward between us? I wouldn't want that to happen. I need her. I love her, and I need her beside me.

No, things probably wouldn't be awkward. Like a said before, she's a smart girl. She knows that I'm in a dark place and that I need her more than ever. She wouldn't let things get awkward just because I confessed to her indirectly.

Okay, that sounded like quite a selfish paragraph. See? I'm useless.

If Amu is reading this, then hello Amu~koi. I bet you don't love me back but I really love you. I love you a lot. More than you'd ever know, or more than I'd ever let you know. And I have for a long time. I bet you can't guess how long. Well, that'll be another times topic. But anyways, I bet you blushed a lot while reading this, so I guess I accomplished my mission.

I just wrote this chapter because I felt like writing about Amu. That's all.

**~Chapter End~**

**:D Cuuute a romantic chapter. I know it doesn't really fit with the storyline, but I felt like Ikuto deserved some comforting. Please review, and thanks for being patient with me!**

**~AmuletFortune98**


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